Rebel at heart

We love everything that inspires and fascinates us and our imagination of a worst case scenario is getting bored. Goblins, elfs and little witches at the same time. And fairylike, too. But as a matter of fact: unbreakable, indeed. Colourful and airily kinds of Pippi Longstocking or wispy fairies, captured in female bodies and movements of a “Sometimes-Femme-Fatale”.

The Lolita-image is deliberately created. Later in life we become Miss Marple. Very late-late. In a hundred years perhaps.

We are born optimists.

We adore kids and we’re the biggest of all the kids by ourselves. Dreamily dreaming of a better, fairer world sometimes and again and again. Maybe never growing up completely, as a kind of and a „big whit“ Peter Pan. Robin Hood und Che Guevara at the same time. Good-natured, free spirits and combatants. We are not really interested in other’s opinions on us. And there’s no “holding hands & hugging“ with absolute strangers or people our hearts stopped beating for. Childlike consequent.

Yes, able to have charming small talks, but preferring the point of view of Diane von Fürstenberg: „I don’t like small talk. I love intimacy“. We’re typically direct as Germans, sometimes a little cool Scandinavian, but hot blooded Russian, lady-like charming and a playful, mischievous tomboyish Girls-Girl. Princesses and dragons. Beauties and beasts. And we wouldn’t hurt a fly, but like verbal wars of words.

We love brooding and ponding, drama and acting. Creating melancholia to laugh it into euphoria. Really crazy for art and although we can’t choose our favourite painter between Monet and Chagall, – in other cases we know exactly what we want and how to get it. But we fail, because we’re still young at heart and sometimes too good-natured. And sometimes we fail quite horrendously, but still standing – forever and for always. We are the embodiment of “late bloomers”, love challenges and haven’t yet reach the goals and the life we yearn for.

Sometimes we have lost and still are losing our way. Always much too curious to know what’s beside the way. We are fun society but swots. Ambitious and future. Irresistibly adorable and considerably unapproachable. Hard to get & hardly to hold close, because we like space & distance. But when ever we love and need closeness: we are cuddly & sooo pleasant. Precious and modest. Sweet and crime. We surprise, shock, provoke, shine.

We adore idealists and dislike hanger-ons, ruthless power seekers & materialism, but admire superficial stuff, sweet sins like shopping and pleasure according to “Dolce Vita” and „Diamonds are a girls best friend“. Part-time-vegetarians, nevertheless – we’d kill for a special and pretty delicious steak. Conventions and smugness lead to our common yawn. Yet ourselves outdated and ancient regarding our values and expectations.

We love creating a „new us“ every single day. Never ever being boring and want to feel bored in any way. Cherishing honesty of others, but using white lies if ever we like to. Our heart is enormous, warm and golden and without any predjudices we are open, kind and friendly curious. We are philanthropists and when ever we fall in love with someone, we’re absolutely stupid. Unfortunately. We love and let us be used. And we use and let us be loved. „Kick it like Beckham“, – and the wrong people out of our colourful, peaceful and wonderful unconventional life. We don’t judge them then, just go without turning back: take revenge, forgive, forget or understand.

„Catch me if you can“, doesn’t work for us. Much more: Leave me alone. To be a „Desperate Housewife“ we’re too much in love with our pure independence. Meanwhile we have grown endless independent, but never ever too independent to love and to beloved. And we believe in love! We love love and love to be beloved but in letting-go and free-being mostly much better then in holding and hanging on. We look and move forward and leave things and people behind. Or we love, enjoy this big pleasure, close our eyes, make a wish and keep.

No regrets cause we always did it “our way”: Nebulous, unclear and unpredictable for almost all. Obvious, easy, soft and real for the Right. Mister Right. The prince on the white horse. We are women and want to be treated as such. And use the excuse, that contradictions are allowed because of our women being.

We like to be called a fool, a jester, a crank to show that we are somebody else as well. Surely we obscure. Maybe we thrive. And if not: who cares? Not us. Poker faces. Principesse. Petissa Pans.

Foto: PetissaPan ; Text: PetissaPan


Zuckerbrot und Reife

Zuckerpferdchenzauber und sich kringelig lachende Blödelei
Wie bekomme ich dich zusammen
Mit meinem Reifen über die Jahre
Durch tosende Stürme und tote Wüsten gegangen
So viele Trampelpfade und Sanftheit im Gedankengang

Wie nehmen’s andere wahr
Wenn ich glucksend lache, unterhalte
Den Pausenclown spiele, die harte Nuss
Gänge hoch und runter nach Belieben schalte
Und doch so viel Sehnsucht nach mehr auch habe

Je extremer unsere Facetten 
Desto schwerer die Balance zu finden
Von oben nach unten und ganz rechts nach links
Was wir wollen, wer wir sind zu ergründen
Und bei wem wir wer sein dürfen gleich mit 

Wenn ich ganz viel Zeit habe und Lust 
Beginne ich sie mal zu zählen
Die Herzen in meiner Brust
Die alle gelebt werden müssen 
Und schwieriger zu hüten
Als ein Rudel Windhunde und zu küssen

Ausprobieren geht so oft über studieren
Wir ziehen jede Schublade im Nu
Oft verkannt weil viel zu bunt und schwer zu greifen
Und dann kommst du:

Und nur deswegen weil du mich siehst
Verstecke ich mich nicht mehr 
Und nur weil du mich spinnen läßt 
Spinne ich nicht mehr allein, sondern will Tiefe
Und nur weil du mich frei läßt
Will ich es nicht mehr sein
Weil du mich willst 
Will ich dich
Ich wollte nie ein langweilige Leben
Und nun habe ich den Salat. Mista.

Foto & Text: PetissaPan